LIVING WITH DEMENTIA.

DEMENTIA AND ITS AFFECTS ON THE FAMILY.

There are many stages of Dementia, with some being relatively slight in affect, to those which seem to take the affected person away from those who love them.
Dementia is, in my case, a massive learning that I have faced over the last three years. This is not me with dementia but my mother-in-law, who is now 79 years of age.
In her former years (prior to the stroke which broght on the dementia) she was a typical matriarch, in control of all she surveyed. She was a "power" to be recond with, she believed she should be able to influence all in "her family".
The stroke took that away, it weakened her left side and, initially, meant she had to relearn how to speak and walk. Over the following eight years she seemed to give in and became possessive of her husband, shouting whenever he leaves the room. She has lost her way, her determination and her self respect. Now, she will show aggression, speak harshly and vindictavly toward the whole family.
For the last three years she and her husband have lived with me and my family and this has been a mountainous climb to understanding and tolerance of a state which I did not, at first, understand. Even when the Doctors asked my wife and I "are you sure you know what you are getting into" how could we know?
Virtually every night she shouts and even with ear plugs I am woken to her rowing with my father-in-law. She will see people who are not there, she will talk to people who have been dead for years and will accuse any one of us of stealing her belongings. She has given rings or similar to grandchildren and some weeks later accused them of stealing the item or wanting it back "because they are not wearing it all the time".
I am still learning about the condition, sometimes finding it interesting and other times feeling waves of depression and fatigue with what seems to be unrelated behaviour or flash reactions to minor situations. The father-in-law does not make things easier, as he feeds her sweets and chocolate and encourages her to stay home (because HE does not fancy doing out) when she is invited to a day centre. As she has diabetes as well the sweet stuff is providing a danger to her health. My pleas to him to stop is met with "well its what she wants". He asks her for approval and advice when it is he who should be providing this and frustrates the attempt of mine to improve her life by accepting her negative responses to journeys out or such like.

I do have Power of Attorney for both of them but am advised that while ever he is determined as "capable" my efforts fall by the wayside.

DO YOU HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT DEMENTIA OR ANY OTHER DEBILITATING CONDITION? Express your concerns and experiences and know that you are not alone.

grandadknows.